Making Orange Juice at Lucile's
Basically, I want to tell a story right now. In my blog I want to tell a story in a short well-written paragraph with a picture. A moment in time--painted and written down. The moment in time I want to write about is me juicing this morning. I write because I enjoy the act of writing. I don't do it to show others I purely enjoy it for the fact that I am creating a piece of art.
I set my alarm for 5 and got up at 5:50. I needed to be at work by 6:15. I did not take a shower the night before. I put my blue tank top on, found the pair of earring I felt like wearing. pants--skirt and tank to slutty plus Seth would not be there today. not sure exactly what time I had to be there I grabbed my my books, my book and headed out the door. closed it and locked it behind me.
I grabbed the spoke of my bike peddle and moved forward. pushed, looked up and saw the sunshine. the mountains, the green, felt the air, the clean of it all. I enjoyed the moment, relished it. new it would be the last I would see for a very long hours. their was this gap of time until I would see light again. light and love and a pull. I stroked and moved and raced--I needed to be on time. I needed to be there before 6:15. Micheal would be there and say "your late". I couldn't have that. I sped up trying to back it under the radar. a touch early and not over the line. I pulled up, he wasn't there. fantastic. I wouldn't be judged, looked at. I was in for now. I pulled my bike up to the rack and moved inside. thoughts as I moved up to the door. Here we go, put on a smile, be happy to see everyone, you are happy to see everyone.
step in smile--they love me, because I love them. I move to the comp--clock in, think of the busy day of customers ahead. walk upstairs, check myself out, and put my things in the closet. . here I go, now down to business. I'm now feeling excited and pumped in the way I would for a soccer game. AS challenge to accomplish the heaping load ahead. I pulled the stuff out of the juice room. I see Denise on my way out and say hello. thinking oh I'm excited to see another person. Ms. Africa. I say how are you, because i remember how special people like to feel. she is happy that I care about her and says hello back.
We are in the room together. She doesn't want to juice so I am stuck with the chore. I begin on lemons. then I move to grapefruits. and on to oranges. 2 in my left hand, 1 in my right, on the juicer. I sift the oranges into the juice machine. boom boom boom....I have gotten to soo at this. The trick having all your oranges right there in front of you. I am moving, I am in the zone. I have 12 to do in 30 minutes an impossible task. It is so much pressure on one person. I am doomed to failure and its not even 7 in the morning yet. I tell myself, its okay, there is no way I can get it done. I will try my very best and that has to be good enough. I am angry they put this much stress on me and nobody says thank you or lets me eat breakfast. the manager walks in and says whats going on. and I say I'm doing extra orange juices. he looks at me and goes, okay. I say we ran out yesterday and he says oh yeah, and leaves. I have failed him again! It's 7 and I'm in the juice room still. That's a bad thing. He also doesn't even recognize that I am doing a favor! That I shouldn't be punished, but rather told thanks so much for doing that! I cut, and I juice, I imagine the money I am losing and the breakfast I am missing so I can do extra orange juices for people who don't even say thank you. I stop and pull away, I'm focused, I'm doing well, I'm going to make money for myself, because heck, that's what I'm here for. I've done my part. And reluctantly I will come back in a stinted rush later--heart racing. under the gun once again.
i enjoy this thrill, but it is also so unfair to make a person do a 100 in 16 second consistently. Its tough, demanding, and challenging. It makes us the greatest.
But other than the challenge in the task where is the joy in this act? The joy is in looking out the window. In seeing the pavement, in seeing the wall, in seeing the tree leaves. In seeing the blue sky and even the mountains behind it. It is in seeing life outside! The fresh, green alive sunshine that is happiness. Enjoyment is not truly in the juicing, or in the star trek conversation, it is out there in the fresh air air that is so alive with life and possibility. Is it here that I need to learn to be happy, or is it wisest to step outside. to step into life and love. What if there is always an out there when I am here? Because I am not happy here does that mean I will not be happy anywhere.
No, when we find love, the things we love, like My horizontal life, a flower garden, Krishna Das, Dave Mathews, Into the woods---we are pulled in, excited, thrilled, pulled out, we cannot engage enough. we are in love. we want that thing and more of that thing. we cant get enough of that thing because it is so wonderful! filled with excited words, intricate details incredible sound, depth of knowledge and insight. Life is not made up of these things. they are around, but they are the roses in the thorn bush. we must fight to find them, we must trust our instinct, we know when we are in love, and there is ALWAYS love in life--it is only a matter of finding it. In sifting through all the shit to find it!
It is that moment in New Zealand. Life is short, fill my life with as many of those moments as possible. With the roses. With the extraordinary beauty and enjoyment life has to offer. Soccer today--I should go, but I'd rather go to the bookstore. just think, life is short, lets make the most of our time here in earth, lets enjoy this life! Lets go to the bookstore! Life is so very very short and this an amazing earth filled with so much beauty, so many beautiful people, so many beautiful things to see, it is a thorn bush filled with roses. It is filled with the grateful dead, ashley's and Ilene's, Raleigh's and Luciles, Gilead. But it is also filled with Stacy's and Iris' Scot's Dad's Sabines, Krishna Das, Dave mathews, Patti Smith, Philip Glass, New Zealand rainbows, the Routeburn trek, mom's, Ralena's, Marins, Sara's. It possesses fun smells and bad smells. Used Bookstores and barnes and Noble. Matisyahu, the heros trilogy, and ice age and mona lisa smile.
